He’s Just Not That Into You..or He’s Just That Intimidated, Sis!

Hey you. Yeah you. The one sobbing and crying constantly checking your phone to see if you have a miss call or a text. You’ve already sent him 3 messages before he has even responded. You’re checking his page constantly and seeing whose photos he’s liking as you dwell in self pity. Okay. STOP IT! Pull yourself together and let it go like Elsa.. (Insert cheesy song from Disney’s Frozen here __________.)

Women go into overthinking mode and an ego reduction once they feel a guy has lost interest or has pulled away. Maybe it’s not you, maybe it’s him, maybe it’s you or…maybe he’s just intimadated. Have you ever thought of that? Men are very nervous at times and they don’t show it. I have had this happened to me in 2011; especially where some guys used to ghost me. The weird thing was that they even told me they felt intimadated because I was beautiful or was an author.

Total opposite and confusing right? 🙄

It seems backwards, right? Yes I know. I would think that being beautiful and doing something that showcased my talent wasn’t anything to make anyone scared; but sometimes it does. (For the scary guys who were afraid of chances, yeah.) So before you rest your head on your tear soaked pillow self sabotaging yourself, keep in mind that THAT could be a reason as to why your knight in shining armour ghosted you. (or has pulled away.) Sometimes people have things going on in their lives, but if they wanted you then they will make sure they show their existence sometimes….in fear of losing you.

If he ghosted you due to lack of interest, he could have been doing you a favor. You did nothing, but sometimes the chemistry may not be there and the universe designs it. (It’s called mutual connection.)

Not to mention that sometimes you are blinded by illusions (believing he is amazing when he hasn’t even done amazing things for you; so instead you are just imagining what it would be like and falling for a daydream. Women do this all the time when they get too excited too soon and it leads to getting hurt. Be careful..move step by step…that’s why they call it ‘building a relationship.)

When you are in the early stage don’t start daydreaming about the future yet. If he was never in a relationship with you then save your energy for someone that’s worth deserving of it. If he treats you like an option and never a priority then you have an answer. Save yourself some time and use this time to heal and regrow…regrow like green grass. (Just watch out for snakes 😚🐍)

Growing Up Submissive

😊I grew up in a very dominant and submissive household 🏡 lol My father was dominant and paid all the bills ..where my mom was a quiet submissive housewife. A little homemaker. She was never a loud argumentive woman with my father…probably because of his temper lol

Because of their dominant/submissive traits, I grew up a softy and quiet around others lol I would feel weird because I wasn’t loud or could get an attitude like other girls and it would be something I remember wishing I had. Lol It was also why I was the subject of being bullied. 🤦‍♀️

Sometimes we become the way we are from what we’re around as children; although both my parents took good care of us and loved us. Sometimes I wanted to question mother about why she was so quiet as a wife, but I never did. I figured it was a part of her nature since she grew up in an older generation. I noticed I developed her traits.

I see her as Super Woman, the way she raised me and my sister and also looked out for my other cousins when needed. She always cooked 3 meals daily for us and cleaned the entire home, did our hair and do almost everything. (It’s also why I like to do so many things.) If our clothes needed stiching or washing or if we were sick, mama took care care of it all.

Part of the reason why I was always quiet and shy came from watching her growing up. Everyone would always say “You’re so quiet. You’re always so giving. You go all out when you love someone.” Yes but sometimes being raised into submissiveness can be painful bc sometimes you are easily to get hurt or used for how giving you are. A lot of times in relationships I’d have a habit of saying “sorry.”

The best advice I can give if you are submissive is to make sure you aren’t giving more than you are receiving. Don’t give your heart to someone who doesn’t deserve it..especially if the person isn’t married to you. You’ll be hurt multiple. 🙂

Dear Future Hubby, Here Is What You Should Know Before Meeting My Parents…

Dear Future Husband, (lol)

 Being a woman that has caught the bouquet in her sister’s wedding, I have decided to take notes for you. With that being said, you must know a background on my parents. Lol In order to marry me, you have to go through my parents first. Actually, go through my father first before asking me (according to my mom..because they say it’s respectful lol)

Here are some tips. (He is a grumpy old man and he asks questions back to back; sometimes before you have a chance to answer.) The way that I get on his good side is by letting him win debates or telling him he is right just so he’ll shut up lol 🤦‍♀️ He is from the ancient times and doesn’t know much about technology either.

*1. He admires guys that work hard and if you love sports cars and baseball, it’s a plus. Long ago, I only had 2 guys got meet my father  and one did not click with him lol

One guy tried to bring up football and my father cut him off 😂 He was like, “Oh nope. I’m into baseball and basketball. I don’t watch a lot of football unless it’s superbowl.” 🤦‍♀️😂 (The guy was so embarassed lol)

My mom is usually the first one and my dad is for when things are really serious.. So I usually wait before letting anyone meet him…  

*2. If you have a degree or have served in the military he likes that too. He is impressed with hard work and education. He likes that my brother in law is good with computers and graduated the top of his class at USC. So if you’re smart too, that’s a big plus. He admires hardworkers and providers. He believes men should be the head of the house.

As for my mom, she is the sweet one. If you can sweet talk her and show her that you care about me then she welcomes you with open arms. She loves baking and cooking, so to win her over, you need to know some good recipies or love to eat her amazing meals. If you can brag on her cooking then she goes crazy. Lol 😂

I often ponder on what it will be like when I am asked to be married. My parents are very old fashioned and I would love their acceptance and blessing for a healthy marriage. What are your thoughts when it comes to meeting parents or being introduced? As for me, I’m a nervous wreck. 😂 (but it’a a good thing.)

Sincerely,

Your Future Bride 👰🏾

Is Your Bae’s Actions Loud Or Muted?

I get so many emails from people I do tarot readings for asking me, Why is he doing this?Why is he doing that? Is he still into me? Honestly you don’t need a psychic to answer that question. The proof is right there. If someone is making you question them and you’re not getting clarity then just save yourself time, heal, keep to yourself. and inhale. exhale. move on. Step away.

It may seem hard to do but it’s all you can do for your sanity. If they want you then they will be there when you leave; if not then you have a clear answer. Some answers don’t need verbalism. Words can mean more if action is put behind them.

As an author, I believe actions and words should both go hand in hand. I am not my best at expressing myself with verbal words as I am with written words and my action. ACTIONS ARE IMPORTANT THOUGH! Even if a woman plays hard to get her actions of interest and being flirty is still there.

I think the longest it ever took me to move on from someone was probably 9 months.  I remember I wasted time and tears trying to figure them out and questioning myself. I can remember holding back on my dating life because I was still being hopeful for someone who portrayed little action for me. It was torture and pain and time wasted, which is why I think the smartest thing a confused person should do is move on or just take some space.. (before it gets worse and ruins your esteem.)  You’re in a confused rut trying to match someone’s actions with their words and it isn’t on the same wave length lol So hopefully you won’t torture yourself and blame yourself.

You deserve the same amount of energy in return as you put out. You will see how much easier it will be. You will find these 2 answers; either they’ll express their actions or they give you words to hang on to..like a puppet’s string..controlling you.

Each day is a new chapter and a new page to write. You’ll never know who you may meet or how better it could be. Don’t hold on to just figuring out. What are the actions saying?